Wednesday, Feb. 04, 2004 - 1:03 a.m.

It is 1 am... I need sleep desperately.

I fell asleep last night at 3:30 in the morning after studying for a midterm with Amber. Then, I got up at 7:15 this morning and had a class until 11am. After running for some emergency coffee, I spent the next 7 hours in the computer lab writing 6 lovely papers. At 6pm I had my class that lasted until 9pm. THEN I was simply starving becuase I had not eaten yet! So Amber Jennifer and I went to the SAC and ate huge amounts of pizza. Oh wow, pizza had never tasted SO good. Amber and I had a good talk, went to Super1 to get cookie dough and packed her up to stay with me tonight (isn't she precious?!)

We are now in the computer lab and she is slaving away at her english paper (which I hope she finishes soon, because I am about to pass out).

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It snowed today! I woke up to white! Surprise surprise! I thought it was getting warmer. We had a warm blue skied day on Sunday!

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Lately I have been feeling inadequate as a Graduate student. Full of self doubt, wondering if I can really make it here in this level of academia. I am in classes with many people who are twice my age, with a lifetime of education and experience that I can only read about in books. I sit silently through our class discussions in wonder at what they have to share, wondering if I will ever have something of my own to offer back to them.

2 weeks ago we had to turn in a therapy paper in my Cognitive Behavior Therapy class, in which we were to make up a client and scenario, and then proceed to give Patient-Client dialogue. I wrote mine, with great hesitation, and turned it in feeling stupid, and just sure that it was not what she was looking for at all. The purpose was to show what a great Cognitive Behavior Therapist I am, and all I can think is, "But I'm not! How can I show something I'm not?" and just wanting to cry.

To my utter shock, as I was about to walk into the classroom last night, my teacher, Heather, came out and greeted me. I said hi, and she said, "Hi Angie. You did a fantastic job on your paper! It was really great. Great job! In fact, I was wondering if we could do it with the class" I was just standing there staring at her, and she laughed and said, "Would that be okay with you?" I was said, "Well, what do you mean do it with the class?" and she says, "Read the dialogue. Oh wait, I forgot to make photo copies. Shoot. Well, I guess we won't be able to do that." I am just in utter shock, sure that she has the wrong person. So she just says one more time that it really was just a great paper. I said "really? wow, I'm so glad to hear that, becuase I wasn't sure I had written it right." she laughs again and says, "Uh, you ARE Angie, right?" "yes" now I'm laughing in wonder.

This morning I am in my social work and religion class, and Cindee is handing back papers, when she gives me mine, she stops and says "Angie, you really have a gift at writing. Most social workers just write the facts, but you do a wonderful job of that and write it beautifully. I really hope that you will go on to publish your work someday."

Once again...total shock.

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