Thursday, May. 06, 2004 - 11:17 p.m.

This will be my 5th Mother's Day without my mom.

I have to say, when she first died, and everybody came at me with all these lovely words of comfort and wisdom, I wanted to scream. I'm not even sure there was a whole lot of truth to them.

But there was one thing that I heard repeatedly and couldn't believe, and didn't want to believe, and that was the "it will get easier with time" one.

How I hated to hear that. How could it ever get easier to not have my mom anymore? And I didn't want for it to get easier, becuase I was afraid that would say something about my love for her.

But as time has gone on, I have to admit there is a certain amount of truth to it. For, though it certainly is not easy, it is definately easier. I still miss her, and I would do anything to have her here now, but I'm not the basket case I was for the first couple of years.

On the other hand, staying here on campus this weekend is not exactly appealing to me. Happy Mothers and Daughters will be parading around in their nicest for the banquet on Sunday, Sabbath the church will be full of happy moms and their kids, if I go to the park I'll see the families there. It's still hard.

My Ant Sandy invited me to PDX for a concert at the waterfront on Sunday. I think that would be so much fun. Aunt Kathy's son has a band and they'll be playing. It would be really cool to go.

My hesistation is due to my pile of homework that is getting bigger and bigger all the time. I need to get to it!! And I know how much I'll get finished with if I go home... nothin.

I really hate having to make decisions.

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