Tuesday, Oct. 12, 2004 - 5:42 p.m.

Well, this was definately a new experience.

Today was my first day of my practicum at the hospital. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. No idea.

Holy cow. Not a single class prepared me for this!! To do medical social work you have basically have to be fluent in the medical terminology. Which makes sense... but I'm not!! And it sucks.

To make matters worse, my supervisor doesn't explain anything to me. She just leaves me sitting by myself randomly, and when I am with her I never have a clue what is going on.

I was never able to see how social work actually fit into the job she was doing today.

It was a tough first day. I felt like crying more than once. And this one lovely person kept saying things to me like, "You don't know how to do this?!?!" and looking horrified. Yeah. That was nice.

And every couple minutes I would hear comments from different nurses about all the students being in the way and how annoying they are...I'm guessing they were talking about the nursing students, but still, I'm a student too. Doesn't exactly make one feel wanted.

So, on my drive home, while my head is spinning with everything I don't know and feel stupid for, and trying to process through what I went thru today, I called my loving husband.

Called him, of course with the expectation that he would comfort me, be understanding, and make me feel all better. WRONG. Instead he decided to play tough love with me, or something. Gave me this little pep talk on how you can't expect to know everything the first day, to be more aggressive and if someone is rude to me be rude back. Better to make enemies and have some self-preservation. And sure I feel like a fish out of water today, but just stick it out and it'll get better, and this should help me get tough.

Such a guy. I swear! All I wanted to hear was, wow, it sounds like it was a really hard day for you, I'm sorry. I hope tomorrow is better. I wish I could be there with you. OR SOMETHING TO THAT DEGREE.

So, of course I got off the phone with him, and called my sister :) That was a much gentler conversation, and we're going to go to dinner together in a few minutes.

I gotta say this. I love my husband so much. He is an amazing person and I can't imagine life without him. BUT there is something to say for female friends and the comforting way they can communicate on the same level as you. I know he meant well, he wanted to fix it for me, and make me think and be stronger about it all instead of crumbling into tiny pieces and beginning an enormous pity party for myself, but there's something to be said for a shoulder to cry on before you begin to get over it.

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